H is for Hysterectomy

This is the one. This is the blog where I talk about my actual hysterectomy so if you’re a woman seeking answers to the unknown, my hope is that this particular segment will bring you some peace of mind and some comfort. First, I want to say that every hysterectomy experience is different. A lot of what you’ll experience is dependent on the type of hysterectomy you have.

The first hysterectomy in history was performed in 1843 in Manchester England and the first total (uterus and cervix removed)abdominal hysterectomy was performed in 1910. Unfortunately, in these times, these surgeries had a 70% mortality rate mainly due to sepsis but also hemorrhage, a condition known as peritonitis which is when there is inflammation in the tissue that lines the inner wall of the abdomen, and exhaustion. Oh! And it was done with NO anesthesia. Luckily for us women, there have been leaps and bounds made in this (now very common) surgery. In fact, there are approximately 600,000 hysterectomies done each year now and technology has made this one of the most non-invasive surgeries a person could ask for.

In my case, I had my uterus, my cervix, and my fallopian tubes removed. I got to keep my ovaries which means I get to drift into menopause naturally. My surgery was a Robot-Assisted Total Laparoscopic Hysterectomy. This is the easiest method when it comes to post-surgical pain, recovery, and the length of time you are actually under anesthesia. In this case, the doctor uses a robotic machine to magnify what he sees and performs the surgery away from your body while controlling the procedure from the “robot”. Once the uterus is detached from the body, it is then removed through the vagina.

Surgery being done away from your actual body. CRAZY, right?
Photo courtesy of https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/21057-robotic-assisted-hysterectomy/procedure-details

My doctor did tell me there would be a chance I’d need to have an abdominal hysterectomy which is where they’d make a surgical incision that was 6-8 inches long (similar to a C Section) and remove the uterus through the belly. Women with large fibroids (me) and an enlarged uterus (also me) run a higher risk of needing this procedure because the masses are too large to remove vaginally.

My doctor seemed confident, though, that he could do it all laparoscopically His confidence gave me confidence. Ladies, on this note, I would advise you to check and see if your doctor even knows how to do a robotic-assisted laparoscopic hysterectomy. I was fascinated to learn (from other doctors I met from my practice) that everyone there could do an abdominal hysterectomy (longer surgery, longer recovery, more pain) but that only a small handful of them could do the robotic/laparoscopic hysterectomy. My doctor happened to be one of them. If you don’t know, ASK. And if your doctor doesn’t specifically know how to do it, ask if another doctor in your practice does.

Okay..enough of “just the facts”. BORING. You can look that stuff up everywhere on the internet. Now, I’d like to talk about MY hysterectomy and MY experience. First of all, as I sit here (still technically in recovery), I will tell you that while my body forced me into this hysterectomy, I have ZERO regrets. I truly, truly TRULY wish I had done it earlier. I wish I hadn’t been so afraid of everything and I wish I hadn’t allowed myself to suffer the way I did.

The morning of my hysterectomy started at 5:00 AM. I was awakened by two nurses who had come in to “prep” me for my surgery which was scheduled for 10:00 AM. They handed me packets of what I could only describe as Lysol Wipes..you know..the kind you wipe your kitchen counters down with? I was given instructions. Use one to wipe down your arms. one to wipe down your legs, one for your abdomen, and one for your backside. My mom and I went to the bathroom and began wiping me down. When I returned to my bed, my nose was swabbed with a disinfectant and I was told to brush my teeth with a disinfectant that tasted like Listerine Light. When they were done, they drew blood to check my hemoglobin/iron levels prior to surgery. Once I was disinfected, the nurses left and it was just me and Mom..now wide awake at 5:30 AM. Surgery was at 10:00 AM…I wouldn’t get brought down to pre-op before 8:00 AM…I couldn’t eat or drink anything. Thank God for T.V. I don’t have cable at home so it was a real treat to be able to watch trashy T.V. I would normally never watch.

Finally, my escort came to bring me to pre-op at around 9:00 AM. Now, if you recall from my last blog, the night before my hysterectomy, I was on cloud 9. I was relieved, happy, joyful, all good and positive feelings and vibes. Well. The morning OF my hysterectomy was quite different. I got quiet. And as the minutes grew closer, I became more and more terrified. Even though I knew this was the absolute best thing for me, that fear on that morning was something fierce. I was afraid of dying ~ of not waking up to see my wife and daughter. I had spent so much time away from them during this entire ordeal, I wasn’t sure they understood how much I loved them and how much my whole life was worth living because of them. I knew that if I could just open my eyes at the end of it, I could handle whatever recovery meant for me. Have you ever heard those stories..you know…the ones that say “she went in for a routine appendectomy and she died on the table”…? I didn’t want that to be my story..and deep down, I was afraid it would be.

My escort came and I positioned myself into the wheelchair he brought for me. It was his first day on the job and he was in training. He seemed nervous to me ~ trying to warn me about every bump I might experience along the way. His trainer was there making sure I actually made it to my destination because at one point, my driver looked terribly confused as to which direction he should be taking me.

When I got to pre-op, I was brought into a small room with a curtain for a door/wall and was introduced to two very sweet nurses. One of them asked, “How are you?” And I just started sobbing. Thinking back to my blog about vulnerability, this was one of those moments. My response to her was “Not good. I’m scared. I don’t want to die”, as I cried like a crazy person. Their reaction was amazing. All I heard was “Awwwww…sweetie! You’re not going to die! We do this all the time. We’re going to take good care of you. You’re going to be just fine…but we’re going to give you something for that anxiety before they take you back”. I don’t think I’d ever been so relieved to hear that I was going to be given drugs since Dr. A put me on Megestrol the first time!

I was given a hospital gown that had a hole in the front. The hole was a place for a hose to connect to that would blow hot air on me . The hose looked like it connected to a vacuum cleaner and it blew me up like a balloon and kept me warm. I remember becoming immediately concerned about urinating. What if I had to pee? How would I pee? Would they have to disconnect me? Would I have to just hold it and hope for the best? If you remember in a previous blog, I mentioned I’m a nervous pee-er…the second I think I can’t pee, I’ll need to pee 50 times more than normal. My vitals were taken. I was asked if I had any implants, pacemakers, or jewelry on me. I answered no. It was later discovered that I still had my engagement and wedding ring on my left ring finger. How the hell did I forget THAT one? It’s just a huge rock on my finger… I mean..SUPER easy to forget, right?! It had clearly become such a part of me over the years, that I hardly recognized it as jewelry anymore.

I almost forgot about wedding ring and engagement ring!

The rings were removed and now it was time to try and find a vein for a second IV to be set. I already had an IV set in my right hand from my morning in triage three days earlier. It had delivered all five of my blood transfusions to my body. I had blood taken from almost every other vein you could see on my arms and hands. The nurses thought the best bet was to try my left hand (which was just punctured that morning for a hemoglobin test — WHICH, by the way was a 9.4! Still anemic but perfectly safe level for surgery).

They injected my veins with Lidocain which is a numbing agent. No other nurses had used Lidocain before they stuck me this entire visit. I started to understand WHY I needed that Lidocain. These poor ladies were having a terrible time setting an IV. I suddenly saw blood coming out from my vein and covering the top of my hand. Apparently my prominent veins on my left hand had actual arteries in them and the artery (which looks like a nodule) kept bending the IV. They were unable to set the IV and (as they cleaned up my bloody hand ) they said “Well…I guess they’ll just have to find a place when you’re under anesthesia.” I’m sorry..what? WHAT place while I’m under anesthesia? My brain scanned every area of my body that might have a vein where they’d only set an IV if I was under anesthesia…it wasn’t pretty. My head can be a dark alley sometimes.

Finally, the anesthesiologist came in to see me. JUST the man I wanted to see. He sat to my right and asked me how I was and I said: “I’m scared”. He said some things that I honestly can’t remember. I told him that the last surgery I had was in 1981 and I threw up after I came out of anesthesia. He said that sometimes that just happens but they would give me an anti nausea medication to try and combat that compulsion should it happen today. He then said “do you have anything you want to ask or tell me?” I said “Yes. Make sure I wake up…and NOT during the surgery, either. I saw that episode of Grey’s Anatomy and I can’t have that happen”. He chuckled and said “I usually get those two requests. Make sure I DON’T wake up during surgery and make sure I wake up AFTER surgery” I remember how kind he was and that he had a red beard.

My next visitor was Dr. A..my OB and my surgeon. I’ve always loved Dr. A’s personality so much. He’s funny. He loves music…he actually brought his Sonos speaker into the exam room when he took my endometrial sample a few days back which relaxed me immediately (I’m a music girl for sure). When my daughter was born via C Section, he made sure to tell us that she was born to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindy Lauper. That was actually the first time we met Dr. A. He assisted our OB with the delivery of our daughter and our OB retired just a few months after our daughter was born. Dr A then became my OB out of default and because I believed there was something special about him.

Dr. A was always laughing and joking so when I saw his face, I immediately lit up. Boy, was I happy to see this man. But there was something different about him. He was reviewing my chart and he looked at me and said “I’m sorry. How many transfusions have you had since you’ve been here?” “5” I replied. His face got a very solemn look as he stared me directly in the face and said “No more. We’re done with this.” I was not used to seeing him so serious. It kind of freaked me out but also gave me a sense of peace because he cared so much (either that, or it was the relaxant they had just pushed through my IV to calm me down — whatever that was, it was amazing..I’m sure it will be listed on my hospital bill).

He sat with me to explain what we were going to do to make sure I understood it. I had to sign some forms. He promised me there was Motown playing in the operating room (man I love me some Motown). He gave me a smile and gave my mom a smile and off he went. They escorted my mom out of the room and suddenly I was surrounded by nurses. I desperately asked “If any of you pray, I would really appreciate a prayer right now”. Suddenly, a nurse looked at me and said, “Would you like to pray now?” I said “Yes please!” She grasped my hand, bowed her head, and said the most beautiful prayer. I was so moved that someone would do that for me…a stranger…one in 600,000 hysterectomies that year nationwide.

When her prayer was finished, everyone grabbed a section of the outside of my bed and began to wheel me to the operating room. Let me just say that I was disappointed in the operating room. I had been an avid Grey’s Anatomy fan for many years. This room was nothing like I had seen on T.V. Where were the crazy lights? Where was the room where you scrubbed in? Where was the drama about who broke up with who and why? My operating room looked more like the room they were temporarily operating in while they were doing construction on the ACTUAL operating rooms.

At this point, whatever relaxant they had given me was all up in my grill. I was relaxed. All of a sudden, I heard “We’re just going to give you a little bit of oxygen” as a mask was placed over my face. Now, I tend to get claustrophobic. When my daughter was about to be born via C Section, I freaked out when they put the mask over my face. Yes..this is one of the many reasons, we chose my wife to carry our child over me. Just one. Believe me, there are many. It took me 10 minutes to calm myself down and figure out how to breathe through the mask. This particular mask was being pressed on my face and I felt myself start to panic.

The next thing I knew, I woke up. The surgery was done. The two nurses that promised me they do this all the time and that I would be fine were standing there smiling at me as if to say “See? We told you so”. Dr. A came in to tell me about the surgery. My uterus was larger than he expected. I would find out later that it probably SHOULD have been removed abdominally with a large surgical incision but he took a deep breath, looked at his team and said “We can do this.” This is the reason, I was told the surgery would only be an hour to an hour and a half and mine was over two hours.

He told me there was about a Pepsi can’s worth of blood sitting in my uterus just waiting to hemorrhage and that it was just a matter of time before it happened. He said “It had to come out. You’re going to have a much better life now.” And you know what? He was right. Even as I sit here still in recovery, I DO have a much better life. The rest of that day is foggy. I barely remember being brought back to my room…I remember seeing my mom waiting there for me. My mom tells me they had me move myself from my cot to my hospital bed and she was surprised by that. I don’t remember it as I was probably still under anesthesia which (when you think about it) is probably the best time to have someone move themselves from Point A to Point B.

I don’t want to get into the recovery because I believe that is a blog in and of itself and … you know…one step at a time. But ladies!! It wasn’t that bad. It was over before I knew it. I didn’t die. I didn’t even throw up! I lived to see my baby girl and my wife again. I am so much better off without my annoying and hateful uterus.

If you are teetering on what to do…if you are suffering with crazy vaginal bleeding, pelvic pain, being held hostage to your period, fear of surgery…ALL. OF. IT…PLEASE…Read this blog a million times…pray on it…talk to other women who have done it. Reach out to me personally. I implore you to STOP finding reasons NOT to have the surgery and focus on all the glorious reasons TO have the surgery. I promise you won’t regret it.

My particular surgery was so non invasive. Today, as I write this, you can barely tell I ever had a surgery at all. I am 8 days away from getting the “All Clear” from my doctor and getting back to my normal life.

Please. Love yourself more than you fear the unknown. I promise you, it will be better..YOU will be better…your life will GET better immediately! If you’re curious about recovery, I’ll cover that in my next blog in full detail. I don’t know about you but the suffering I endured up to my hysterectomy was so debilitating that nothing about recovery scared me. As I mentioned earlier, if I could just wake up after surgery, I could handle it. I woke up. I’m handling it. I’m SO thrilled I did this. If you are in limbo trying to decide whether or not you should have your doctor recommended hysterectomy…my love. DO IT…do it for all the reasons you love so much that are actually KEEPING you from doing it. I promise you a better life lies ahead.

My belly the day of surgery

My belly today — 4 weeks after my hysterectomy. WHAT incisions?